‘Are you okay btw?’
I did something god awful this summer, I completely cut contact with someone who was a pretty good friend to me and they must have seen something in me too.
More to save being forgotten, than anything else. It’s happened so many times before, friends that have moved to new schools, new places, those who have promised contact. They forget, and there is no way to stop them from forgetting. Even if I were to text them now, I’d get no reply, in fact my number has probably been wiped from phones, my being ceasing to them.
Some are faces I see everyday and others are too far from me to recall appearances fully.
I’m not feeling down, not really. I was being selfish.
Yet in a few years we’ll have all moved on to different people, different lives.
I feel down thinking about that though, nobody ever sticks around long after they move on in their lives. What makes the friends I have any different? I honestly don’t know.
I’d love for us all to stay young, to stay friends into adulthood, but really, how likely is that?
I’m not even sure about you who offered to let me speak to you. You are wonderful and I’d still be quietly doodling away alone liking a dumb video game with no kind of creative storylines or appreciation for being creative. I really wish we talked like we used to about whatever the hell came into our crazy heads. I can’t even send this to you, what does that say about me?
Do I think you’ll hate me for what I’ve been doing?
Yes probably, because they’re your friend too, and I’ve hurt them a lot.
I just don’t grasp whether people actually care about me or whether people are just using me while they need me.
I will always think about the people I’ve met, especially in secondary school. I know they don’t always think about me, and I know most of the time people like spending time with me if they want me to make them laugh for a bit, before heading off with people they actually enjoy as company.
I’ll see you first in registration for sixth form next week, but will you even want to see me?
Okay I think that’s all I had to say.
Phew
Jesus I speak a lot.
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