Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”
For the first time in thirty texts, an Amityville film has adopted an anthology format. Amityville Vampire (2021), written by Carlos Perez and Tim Vigil (who also directs) divides its 90-minute narrative into three chunks to tell two stories, a wrap-around, and a few stingers. The film isn’t wholly successful due to a variety of issues, but the multiplicity of shorter narratives circumvents the typical “padded” feel of some of the “franchise”s DTV entries.
Former DJ and (somewhat?) reformed ladies’ man Johnny The Gent (Anthony DeArce) plans to propose to his girlfriend Fran (Miranda Melhado). He takes her on what she anticipates will be a romantic camping trip and, on the car ride, tells her two separate stories about the area where they’ll be staying: Red Moon Lake.
The first story concerns meek office worker Gloria (Veronica Farren) who stays late to meet elusive millionaire boss Lilith A. Thanos (Jin N Tonic). Sporting a cheap platinum wig and a come-hither attitude, Lilith immediately strikes up a flirty conversation with Gloria that blossoms into a near make-out in a closet. The boss then invites her subordinate to party at her property near the lake. Alas, Gloria doesn’t realize she’s less of a party guest and more of a party favor.
The second story is clearly meant to be a period piece based on its slightly antiquated costumes and dialogue, though it hardly matters in the long run. Religious man Caleb (Randy Oppenheimer) is grieving the impending death of his wife Katherine (Maggie Nolting) after recently burying his daughter Chastity (Haillye Young Miller). That’s when a mysterious woman (Tonic, sans wig) shows up on his doorstep with a now “alive” Chastity, offering miracles in exchange for an invitation inside. It’s pretty clear what’s going on to everyone except Caleb.
Both stories delight Johnny and frustrate Fran, in large part because they don’t adhere to her romantic expectations for the trip. Fran’s sister, Margie (Kat Rodriguez) previously warned her that Johnny was a bad dude, so this and a rest stop interaction where Johnny signs the breasts of buxom Suzie (Laura Meadows) doesn’t offer much reassurance. If nothing else, Johnny’s behaviour repeatedly confirms how ill-suited the couple is for each other, though it’s uncertain if this is purposeful or if the creative team simply found the conflict amusing.
Amityville Vampire takes a sharp turn once Johnny and Fran reach the lake. Three new characters – Paco (Joseph Acain), Kurt (Ismaele Montone) and Razor (J Randall) – are introduced as they unload a mattress from a van with plans to (c/w) rape and murder an abducted woman (Tonic again).
The trio murder Johnny and rape Fran offscreen before Lilith gets her revenge, but the narrative shift ends the film on a very dark note. Considering the two previous stories heavily implied either a sapphic interaction or a female vampire alliance, Amityville Vampire’s move into rape/revenge territory feels tonally out of synch with the rest of the film.
Despite the possibilities of its anthology format, Amityville Vampire isn’t great. The characters are grating and one-dimensional, the acting is frequently uneven, the audio isn’t properly mixed, and the aforementioned tones don’t fully mesh. Vigil and Perez are on the right track, but Amityville Vampire needed better execution to fully realize its potential.
The Amityville IP Awards go to…
- Amityville Connection: The film opens with a callback to the DeFeo murders that have consistently been depicted in these films (the original, the sequel, the remake, the tacky one, etc). It’s the only true Amityville moment in the film, however, so it stands out as a shoehorned element.
- Bathroom “Humour”: One random example of inconsistent tone is the unusual decision to include not one, not two, but three (!) instances of characters peeing or pooing (only once could be described as a joke and even that might be generous).
- Sound Design: Not only does the film overzealously utilize the Wilhelm scream (twice!), but the audio isn’t properly mixed. The peeing sound effect is particularly loud; it’s at least double the volume of everything else in the film.
- T&A: My favourite costume choice is when Gloria awakens in her underwear, hanging from chains in Lilith’s den. Good thing she wore her extremely sexy red lingerie to the office on a <checks notes> Monday.
- Vampire Lore: There’s a cool twist on vampire mythology in the first story. Lilith reveals she consumes the blood of “special” humans to experience their emotions. This does result in a laughable moment when she reveals Gloria’s “specialty” is depression-bordering-on-suicide (yikes), but the concept is still intriguing.
- Most Ridiculous Dialogue I: The trio of rapists have a lot of gross dialogue, but the best (?) might be Paco viciously slicing Lilith’s legs with a switchblade and remarking, “This usually turns women on – at least it does in the pornos.”
- Most Ridiculous Dialogue II: In the aftermath of her rape and the murder of her fiancé, Fran wanders the campground killing field, crying “Why didn’t I listen to my sister? I hate it when she’s right.”
Next Time: We finally move into 2022 titles with Peter Jack Mundy’s Amityville Scarecrow.
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