Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”
Nearly a decade after the last DTV entry, The Amityville Horror finally returned to theaters. This was thanks, in large part, to the success of Platinum Dunes’ 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre which kicked off a wave of horror remakes. (For more on the well-documented trend, check out Bloody’s editorial series ‘Revenge of the Remakes’).
TCM 2003 set the precedent for the look and tone of many of the aughts remakes. This is clearly visible from the opening murder montage of director Andrew Douglas’ film: staccato editing of grainy archival footage set to an industrial score. This isn’t your mother’s true crime story; this is amped up, gritty, and slightly desaturated-looking. It’s MTV music video chic by way of Se7en.
The Amityville Horror remake doesn’t offer much new storytelling because it is, first and foremost, a reboot of the 1979 original. The 2005 film exists principally to reintroduce the “true” story of newlyweds George (Ryan Reynolds) and Kathy Lutz (Melissa George) as they move into the “too good to be true” home with the iconic eye windows.
Kathy’s three children – oldest Billy (Jesse James), middle child Michael (Jimmy Bennett) and youngest Chelsea (Chloë Grace Moretz, in her film debut) – are all reeling from the death of their father and although Kathy and George clarify nothing will replace the original patriarch, there’s still tension between the kids and their new stepfather.
That tension is obviously exacerbated by the demonic entity living in their new house. Screenwriter Scott Kosar wastes no time highlighting its effect on George, who frequently comments on the cold and has recurring dreams of the DeFeo murders that open the film. His behaviour is extreme, even for the condensed runtime of the film (the Lutz family famously only lasted a month in the house, but in the remake George shows symptoms of madness from day 1).
The influence of both Michael Bay’s TCM remake, as well as Gore Verbinski’s 2002 J-horror The Ring remake, is evident in both the rapid-fire editing and, more specifically, the visual depiction of the Amityville ghosts. Isabel Conner plays Jodie DeFeo, who is alternately a victim of the house’s murderous rampage, as well as a manipulative entity who repeatedly puts Chelsea in danger.
This new creation for the film has the now familiar long dark hair and veiny complexion (there’s a clear visual connection between Jodie and Alessa in Christophe Gans’ 2006 adaptation of Silent Hill) and Kosar packs the film with (often pedestrian) jump scares involving the spooky ghost girl. The film also falls back on the tired trope that the house is a site of an Indigenous massacre. Here it’s ritualistic and inhuman torture by zealot Jeremiah Ketcham, which gives the film its repeated “Catch ‘em / Kill ‘em” tagline.
It’s the closest the film comes to addressing religion, which was a key facet of the original film. Here Father Callaway (Philip Baker Hall) shows up briefly, but it feels more like an acknowledgement of the OG film than a proper narrative development; Callaway’s few brief scenes exist primarily as a homage.
This is emblematic of the new film’s issues: too many scenes feel strung together and disjointed. Kosar’s screenplay struggles to generate tension until the climax hits; there’s no rising action because George is cuckoo-bananas from the jump. Credit Reynolds for doing what he can with the character: several of the scenes of child endangerment are genuinely harrowing, especially the moment when he picks Chelsea up in the basement or nearly axes Billy in the yard.
Still, there are too many moments when Reynolds’ now-familiar wisecracking persona creeps into his performance. And while his Adonis-level physique (a holdover from the previous year’s Blade: Trinity) ushered in no shortage of (queer) sexual awakenings, George’s ripped bod is completely period inaccurate.
The biggest criticism about the new iteration is that it feels perfunctory and somewhat inessential. The 2005 production is infinitely slicker and shorter than the original (89 mins vs 118), but aside from heralding a new era of popularity for Reynolds, the remake’s legacy is somewhat muted. Despite earning $65M domestically and $108M worldwide on a budget of $19M, the financial success of The Amityville Horror failed to spur a new wave of Amityville sequels (unlike TCM).
As it stands, The Amityville Remake is a serviceable mid-tier entry in the 2000s remake craze. For an Amityville film, however, it’s the most straightforward (bordering on bland) entry since the original. It’s not terrible, but aside from the lingering body shots of Reynolds running around in low-waisted pajamas in the rain, it’s not particularly memorable either.
The Amityville IP Awards
- Celebrity Cameo: Rachel Nichols was on the cusp of breaking out when she played babysitter Lisa, an updated (highly sexualized) take on the same character from the original. Nichols would go on to larger projects like G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra, and underrated projects like holiday horror film P2 and science-fiction series Continuum.
- Scariest Sequence: Lisa is not only a deliciously bitchy character (and self-described terrible babysitter), but her imprisonment in Chelsea’s closet is the best sequence of the remake. Nichols explains on the film’s featurette that she badly bruised her arms pounding on the door, but the effect is undeniably memorable.
- Biggest Unintentional Laugh: While the “Catch ‘em / Kill ‘em” phrase gets a bit stale over the film’s runtime, it’s still a horrific play on words…unless it’s being spelled out in fridge magnets. The sequence when Kathy hallucinates the phrase in bright, cheerful letters on the fridge is easily the film’s most ill-advised, inadvertently hilarious moments.
- Worst Make-Up Effect: Reynolds’ contacts are clearly meant to connote his sleep deprivation and exhaustion, but Douglas frequently shoots the actor in such a way that the eye appliances are extremely visible and distracting.
Next Time: After languishing on the shelves for six years, the IP returns to DTV entries with 2011’s The Amityville Haunting.
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